Doth Mother know you weareth her drapes?

So after seeing a list of top Shakespearean insults (go here for the chuckle) I’d thought I’d add a few of my own. Because I’m a huge nerd. Of course if you want loads of great insults you should just go read Much Ado About Nothing because Beatrice and Benedick both rule at the art of the withering putdown, but I’m pretty sure this list will be shorter.

 

“It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.”

This isn’t supposed to be an insult – it’s Macbeth whining about existence in my all-time favourite speech – but gosh darn I think it works as one when somebody’s talking crap.

“Thou whoreson, senseless villain”

Sometimes wit is overrated and one should just go straight for the jugular. This hails from The Comedy of Errors. Why don’t we call people villains like this any more? Villain has a better ring to it than bastard.

“Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff—you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them they are not worth the search.”

Another one for the eedjits talking rubbish from The Merchant of Venice. For a quick shot you’re really only looking at “speaks an infinite deal of nothing” but I do just love that last part, couldn’t bear to chop it out.

I’ll pray a thousand prayers for thy death.

We all know somebody who’s pissed us off this much, right? Though in fairness I don’t know anybody who expected me to prostitute myself to save their hide… (from Measure For Measure).

“Such antics do not amount to a man.”

I have a few ex-flings who could care to note this (well, at least they could at the time, perhaps they’ve grown since). Henry V

“Thou mis-shapen dick”

Yes, thank you, I am indeed aware that I am totally juvenile. Henry VI

“I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.”

Wait, wait… my bad, that’s from Monkey Island. Still another fine source of withering insults, though. *teehee*

mipuke

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